I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
