Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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