After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
