I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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