So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
