I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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