I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
