i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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