you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
