I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
