Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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