There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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