My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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