DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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