two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
