It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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