cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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