I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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