you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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