Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
only you would photoshop your dick
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
