her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
