saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
