Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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