You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
