Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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