There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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