Already got asked if we're dating
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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