Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
