i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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