i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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