i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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