My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
