i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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