We're like a lot better than the average bears
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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