he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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