It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
