I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
