...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
