Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
