I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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