ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
