She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
