My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
