You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish I only lived at night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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