Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
