Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
