She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize