mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
