Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
