I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
