i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
