So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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