if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize