Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
