Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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