Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
