I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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