instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
