Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
