I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dick very happy bro
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
