just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
