What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
