Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
