So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
