I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
