I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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