Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
