Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
