hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
