just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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