I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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