Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
