just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
