dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
