he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
